i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sarcasm needs its own font
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
