make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
