I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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