Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
