Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
