dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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