I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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