Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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