I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
