Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
