I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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