mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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