i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
