i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
