Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
