haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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