so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
