Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
