i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
