smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
