saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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