He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
