The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
