I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
