based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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