pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
