the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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