i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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