well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
