Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
