Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
