He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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