after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
