Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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