Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
