Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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