Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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