do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
