i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
