"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
