i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
