i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
