watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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