I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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