There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
