Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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