she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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