the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
