Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
