Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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