I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
