i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
