I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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