Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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