It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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