I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
