well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's shark week go big or go home
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
