We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
