I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize