The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
