I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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