I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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