Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
