I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
