I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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