She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
