we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize