Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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