Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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