Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
