My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm always down for nudity.
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